Learning Not To Be Lonely
by Erik's Rose 2809
Summary: Erik is destined to die alone and unloved until someone rescues him.


**Learning Not to be Lonely.**

**Summary: **_Raoul and Christine have fled the Paris Opera House together in Erik's boat at his instruction. The law is after Erik for the murders of Joseph Buquet and Piangi. He knows he will hang for murder if they find him, so he is hiding out in the secret hidden depths of the Opera House only he knows about._

_Erik is heartbroken that he has lost Christine, the only girl he ever really loved and a huge part of him doesn't care about his impending fate._

_One person goes back to find him, she truly believes she can help him, but will he let her into his heart? Can Erik ever let himself fall in love again? The Erik in my story is based on Gerard Butler's portrayal of him in the 2004 epic. I have acquired other sources of information loosely from Gaston Leroux's book, namely where Erik lives and some of his mannerisms._

**Disclaimer:** _I do not own any of the right to "Phantom Of The Opera" those privileges lie entirely with the genius of Gaston Leroux and Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber_.

"Take her! Forget all you've seen! Leave me alone!" Erik shouted urgently at Raoul.

"Take the boat, swear to me never to tell, the secrets you know of the angel in hell!"

"Go now! Go now and leave me!"

He had turned his back on them and staggered into his private music room where he played morosely with his music box. His face wet with tears, he very quietly and shakily began to sing along with the sad melody.

"Masquerade, paper faces on parade. Hide your face so the world will never find you."

That was when Christine entered the dungeon. Erik looked up and saw her compassion for his plight etched sadly on her face, he couldn't contain his feelings for her any more.

"Christine I love you!" he sang softly.

She gazed at him sadly, removed the ring he had insisted she wear and pressed it into his hand without speaking a word. She then left him and Erik could hear the declarations of love between Christine and Raoul as they departed in his boat. That broke his heart and silent tears spilled down his face as he thought bitterly of what could've been had he not been born with this grotesque face so horribly disfigured. His face was the bane of his life, a hideous infection which prevented him from ever knowing any real love or affection from anyone and yet she had kissed him. Christine had actually kissed him! He pondered this over and over in his head until the reality sunk in that she had only done this to free Raoul; she had however shown him some compassion in her words,

"Pitiful creature of darkness, what kind of life have you known? God give me courage to show you, you are not alone!"

These words alone gave him some fragile, deluded hope that someone did love him and did care for him alone, but he was so disgusted with himself that he refused to believe it. His face not only infected those around him, it intoxicated him and his thoughts and actions. He could never be normal like everyone else as long as he lived and this made him understandably bitter and twisted. In his grief and rage, he had grabbed a heavy brass candlestick and with all the force he could muster, smashed every single mirror in the dungeon. Every one of the mirrors held a secret link to Christine and now all he wanted to do was forget her, but his heart would not let him!

He slunk away now, exhausted and disappeared behind the red curtain concealing the boat-shaped bed where he had laid Christine the night he brought her here. Erik certainly was a genius and extremely gifted and intelligent; having an excellent knowledge of architecture, he had installed trapdoors and secret passages to and from the Opera House and into Christine Daae's dressing room known only to himself and his closest confidante, Madame Giry. He disappeared now down another of his undiscovered trapdoors and was gone.

A few moments later the police and theatre staff burst into the dungeon and began looking behind the curtains and under the bed for any sign of 'The Opera Ghost' as was his common alias. Only one person spoke up in his defence,

"Please messieurs, I think he is dead!"

"How can you be sure mademoiselle?"

"This is the only place I know of where he resides and he is nearly always to be found playing his organ. You can see for yourself, this organ has not been played recently, the candles would be lit, he has blown them all out and he has left his mask! Look I hold it right here in my hand, he is never without it! Why else would he leave his mask, he would rather die than be without it!"

"How do you know so much about the Ghost?" the detective asked suspiciously.

"Christine Daae told me often when she was in her dressing room. The night she was abducted, he brought her down here and she was able to describe the dungeon to me and of how he liked nothing better than to play his music almost constantly! When he came to fetch her, he always brought her here!"

The detective seemed appeased, but he still cast a suspicious look at Meg Giry.

"We will of course be questioning Mademoiselle Daae who knows the Ghost and I'm sure will be able to give us some valuable information as to where she thinks he is now. You would not be trying to conceal a murderer now would you Mademoiselle?"

Meg gasped in alarm; he seemed to be reading her thoughts!

"No of course not monsieur! He is gone and I don't know where. Honestly, do you not think I would tell you if I knew?"

"Hmm, perhaps I have misjudged you child. Your mother on the other hand seems to know a lot more about the Ghost than she told us when we interviewed her previously. Perhaps she is confining him somewhere that we don't know of!"

"No! I've told you, this is the only part of the Opera House where he ever came; you can ask my mother again if necessary, she will vouch for me. I am telling you the truth monsieur!"

"Then how do you explain this? He could not have gone far!"

The detective pointed out the mirrors where shards of glass were continuing to rain out of them as they spoke.

"He is here somewhere, I could swear it!" the detective growled angrily.

"We haven't looked here yet, so perhaps he is behind this screen crouching down?"

Meg's gasp betrayed her and with a flourish, the detective threw the screen aside. Of course, there was no one there and all that could be seen was the rough hewn stone of the dungeon wall.

Furious, the detective called off the search.

"The child speaks the truth, there's no one here!"

"He's probably long gone by now! Perhaps he is dead Marcel!" one of the constables remarked unhelpfully.

"No, I do not believe that to be so, but we will catch up with our clever friend one day soon, he can't evade us forever!"

The detective turned on his heel and swept out followed by his men and the staff of the Opera House.

Meg made to leave also, but she knew that the Phantom Of the Opera was very shrewd and clever. He would always have a secret passageway worked out somewhere in this building. She just had to try and locate it. Suddenly she heard a soft creaking and the sounds of harsh ragged breathing, it startled her slightly and the white mask slipped out of her hand and clattered onto the floor.

"Who's there?" she started "Is it the ghost?"

"Who's asking?" rasped an anxious voice.

"It is Meg, Madame Giry's daughter!"

"What are you doing here?" he snarled.

It was then that Meg saw his face close up and let out a squeak of alarm, which he reacted to aggressively.

"Ah now you have seen the ghost in his full glory, tell me dear, do you not find me handsome?"

Meg stood in stunned silence at a loss for what to say until she heard another very familiar voice speak up in her defence,

"Erik please, it is alright, it is only my daughter and I assure you she is no threat!"

"How do you know? She probably lead them right here, didn't you, you meddlesome brat? Tell the truth!" he hissed savagely at her now, reaching up through the trapdoors to shake her roughly by the shoulders.

"Please monsieur, I did not! They grabbed me and made me show them where you lived! I only knew about this place from Christine!"

Meg sobbed now and implored his forgiveness, but he was having none of it.

"Silence! You have betrayed me!"

"Erik be sensible!" Madame Giry said crossly, "My daughter knows nothing about you other than your name; I have not told her anything about how you came to be here or the circumstances. Christine Daae was her only confidante and they spoke of everything together!"

There was a quiet groan and then he spoke once more,

"Child forgive me, I did not mean to upset you, truly. That name brings nothing but pain!"

The trapdoor opened fully and he climbed out closely followed by Madame Giry who stopped only to comfort her daughter and to retrieve Erik's mask, his music box and his manuscripts. Madame Giry held Erik's mask out to him and he carefully put it back on. He then invited both of them to follow him down through the trapdoor which lead down to a dimly lit passageway underneath the Opera House. It wended its way round to the right away from the Opera House to a rather bleak looking house on the edge of a lake. Erik led them to the door and with a furtive glance back behind them he withdrew a large worn key and opened the door with a click ushering them both inside.

Meg took note of all that was around her, she noticed that the house had rather depressing decor, Erik seemed to favour darker shades on the walls like deep blood red and black and she noticed that he had painted black ledger lines and notes on the walls of nearly every room in the house they passed through. At last he stopped in front of a door just off the vast hallway and invited them both inside what appeared to be a drawing room which was just the same as all the other rooms except that instead of ledgers and notes in black, they were in gold leaf and looked very smart against the deep red walls, the curtains were also of gold and there was a beautiful old globe in one corner of the room and some very old looking pictures of beautiful Georgian ladies on the walls. There was an elegant chaise-longe against one wall and two armchairs facing it on the opposite side of the room. All of these sported plush red upholstery which looked as though it never been sat on before. He motioned for them both to sit down and then did so himself in the armchair directly facing the chaise-long.

"Madame Giry, perhaps you will permit me to tell your daughter how I came to be here." Erik began seriously.

"You can call me Meg, Monsieur Erik!" Meg cut in.

To her great surprise, Erik let out an amused chuckle,

"Well, this is the first time I have been addressed so admirably! Is that not so Antoinette?"

She nodded and smiled strangely back at him, her arm around Meg's shoulders.

"Well to begin with, Meg, you can address me as Erik. There is no need to sir me!" He smirked now at her; she blushed and averted her eyes to the floor. She couldn't believe that she had revered him as a ghost for so long and now here he was. He stood before her a man of flesh and blood talking as normally as if the were merely discussing the weather!

"I ran away from home when I was a child, after my mother died when I was 12. My mother couldn't bear the sight of this face you see and my father despised me. He left my mother not long after I was born. My mother insisted that I wear a mask at all times. In fact I don't ever remember a time in my childhood when I was without it. She would not allow me to show any affection towards her and would positively shrink away in horror if I tried to kiss her. I repulsed her and she frequently beat me. I resorted to singing in my free time and playing my mother's piano and violin to occupy myself, music had always so enthralled me. She did not mind as long as I stayed out of her way.", He paused now to draw breath and glanced intently at Meg whose eyes seemed overly bright with fresh tears that were threatening to fall at any moment. Madame Giry had taken her arm away from her daughter's shoulders and was now comfortingly squeezing her hands, great sadness played on her face. She of course knew Erik's story, but it never ceased to shock and upset her when he re-told it. Erik resumed his tale.

"My mother killed herself because she could not bear the disgrace and torment of living with something as hideous as I. I lived on the streets for a while hiding in alleys and singing and playing mother's violin to earn myself some money with which to procure some food. Once I caught a chill and had to remove my mask to blow my nose, that was when the people saw me! Their reactions were not kind and I was set upon and stabbed. I then met a gypsy man called Armando who seemed to take a genuine interest in me and took me with him where he tended my wounds and patched me up. I was mistrustful at first because my experience with people had never been good, but he was so convincing! He persuaded me that I should join his band of travellers and that I would be able to help him out with his shows and performances as I had an unnatural musical talent. He assured me that it would be educational for me and that I would learn the industry and make a small profit for myself which would allow me to start out on my own. I agreed to go with him, after all where else would a twelve-year-old homeless boy go? The opportunity seemed too good to miss. However, I did not realise what Armando had in store for me! He had tricked me and I realised this when the day arrived for our first performance. He told me to remove my mask and placed an old sack over my head, he had even cut out holes for my eyes, he said the reason was that the sack would cover more of my face whilst I performed. I must admit I was suspicious, but I knew better than to question him and just played quietly with my toy. That was when he shouted, "Come and behold the Devil's child!" and he kicked the toy out of my hands, tore the sack of my face and..." Erik hesitated again his face and fists screwed up with pain,

"......And there they were...... all those people laughing at me and my hideous appearance, it drove me past endurance! The spite and hatred in their eyes.... and Armando delighting in tormenting me. I felt utterly ashamed and embarrassed and pulled the sack back over my head, to get away from those hateful stares. That was when it happened........ I felt the most incredible rage I had ever felt and I made a noose out of the rope on the floor of my cage and....and.... I strangled him Meg! Just like I strangled Joseph Buquet and Piangi! I......I felt exactly the same when I strangled them..... the hurt and betrayal came back to torment me yet again....... and I...... I couldn't stop myself!"

Erik could not continue, he was utterly caught up in his emotions and covering his face with his hands, he began to shake with heaving sobs.

Meg got up and stood in front of Erik. She tentatively stroked his hair and squeezed his shoulder gently her tears spattering onto his hair, he slowly looked up into her lovely face with its large brown imploring eyes and then very unexpectedly, his arms went about her as he sobbed into her waist. Meg said nothing, but just silently stood holding him and stroking his hair until the sobs died down.

Madame Giry went over to them both and drew them into a hug, her own face shining with tears. She offered her own handkerchief to Erik who now, rather embarrassed and awkward, broke away from them both, dabbed his streaming eyes and blew his nose.

"Forgive me, it is always painful for me to discuss my childhood!" he sighed with a sharp gasp.

"Perhaps you will allow me to continue the story for you Erik?" Madame Giry asked sensitively.

"Please, if you would be so kind my dear Antoinette. Thank you." Erik reached up to dab his blotchy face under the mask.

"Erik, you can remove the mask if it is easier for you to dry your eyes! You will not alarm us!" Antoinette said kindly.

"Oh no, I couldn't possibly do that! I would frighten her! Wouldn't I child?" Erik now turned towards Meg.

"No please, it's alright! I have seen you without your mask and really, I believe that people overreact! They make you out as some kind of monster when, quite evidently, you are not so. I agree with Maman, please don't be embarrassed, you are among friends!"

This sentiment was too much for Erik, whose tears began to fall once again. He reached for Meg's hand and pressed his lips to it.

"Thank you........ you...........you are both......so kind. I have never.........never known such kindness from anyone........ other than Miss Daae. Now ...she's gone and I loved her.............. she chose HIM..............I had hoped, but no...... nobody loves a monster!"

He wept again in earnest and it was some time before both Madame Giry and Meg were able to calm him down, but eventually he stopped crying and ever so slowly, he began to remove his mask with trembling hands.

"That's better Erik! We can see more of you now!" Madame Giry said encouragingly. She was graced with a small, shy half-smile.

"And...and you really don't mind?" he asked timidly.

"Not in the least!" Meg smiled.

That was when he actually smiled and Meg gasped at how handsome he really was. He had the most beautifully expressive bright grey/green eyes and a sensuous laughing mouth. In her opinion, his disfigurement really wasn't as bad as people made out. His right eye drooped and there seemed to be slightly more flesh growing over it than was necessary. The skin around his eye and the side of his nose was pink as though he had been burned on that side. It looked like a keloid scar had formed, but he was not hideous to look at! The left side of his face was beautiful. His face shone with happiness now at the realisation of their non-judgmental attitudes and their acceptance of him without his mask. They did not make him out to be a hideous freak whereas society did! He knew that these were his true friends and for the first time in his life, he felt safe and at peace. He relaxed back into the folds of the armchair and sighed softly, his smile never wavered.

Both Meg and her mother resumed their position on the chaise-long and Madame Giry began to re-tell the tale where Erik had left off,

" Buquet deserved all he got; I did warn him that you would hear his cruel comments!"

"I should not have let my anger get the better of me; I should not have murdered anyone. That was evil!" A cloud passed over Erik's face.

"Perhaps, but you had your reasons. You must not dwell on the past Erik! We will both give it out to the police that you are dead, so have no fear on that count!"

"I cannot do that to you Antoinette! I will not trouble you and your daughter with this, it would be selfish of me and I don't want to cause you any more grief!"

"Nonsense Erik! You are the most selfless person I have ever met, always trying to help and advise people how to perfect their performances. They didn't always like what you had to say, but you were right! You tried to help them like you did Christine! She could not have performed half as well without your instruction!"

There was a soft moan and Erik's face contorted with pain.

"Please, don't mention that name to me again. It is like a knife in my heart! Sometimes I feel it would be a relief to let them hang me and end this pain!"

There was a shocked gasp and Meg looked at him horrified! Her mother spoke crossly,

"Really Erik! Now you are just being ridiculous! None of this talk!"

"Sorry, I apologize!" he said weakly.

"Better! Now, to continue this tale!" she sighed exasperatedly.

"As you you already know, Erik came to live here under the Opera House. Initially, he did not have this house; he built it later on with the money he made from selling his compositions to the opera House. No, initially, Erik lived in the dungeon. That night when Armando exposed him, I happened to be one of the girls in the audience. Our ballet mistress had brought us out for a treat to see the traveling fair and it was there that I saw Erik for the first time. I was 12 years old and training to be a ballerina, I stayed in the Opera House dormitories. I felt sickened by Armando's behaviour and saddened at Erik's torment. I knew I had to help him. He had just murdered Armando when people started to reaslise what had happened and were after him. I opened the cage, took his hand and we ran to the Opera House and let ourselves in by the little chapel window. It was the only safe entrance I knew of where he would not be discovered. I had to conceal Erik in the dungeon at all times, there was no question of his coming out into the daylight as people would torment him and I wanted to take him away from all that. I felt he had suffered enough, so I hid him from the world and I would often sneek down here to bring him food, books, music scores and clothing that I managed to steal out of the boy's changing rooms. I had to have help though, there was only so much I could do for Erik. I spoke to the sisters of mercy in the nearby convent and asked for food and clothing as I somebody I knew was in desperate need and because of his disfigurement, he could not come out into society lest he should be attacked. Oh course they were understanding and every week they sent packages of food and clothing to me which I sneaked down here to Erik in my free time and at night without being caught by our ballet mistress Madame Bourgeois. Erik devised a secret passage which lead right up underneath the orchestra pit, so that he could hear how the music was being performed and played. He would then ask me to sneek him spare scores, so that he could study the various orchestral parts and the voices. When he was a bit older, he built the organ in the dungeon from scratch! He had studied books on architecture and showed an unnatural talent in it as in music!"

"You did?" Meg asked in awe.

Erik nodded silently and rather embarrassedly, averting his eyes from her astonished stare.

Madame Giry paused for breath at this point, but both Meg and Erik prompted her to continue.

"I think we should have a drink, this discussion has been rather challenging for all of us!"

"I could not agree more Antoinette!". Erik stood now and went over to an antique table in the corner of the room where there was a very elegant decanter of brandy on the side. He unstoppered it and carefully poured the amber liquid into three large brandy glasses. He offered one to Meg and Madame Giry and plumped back into his armchair holding his glass in his long slender fingers.

"Mother, I am not yet 18! I should not be drinking this!" Meg protested.

"You are 18 in 1 week. One week early really doesn't make all that much difference!"

"Hmm that is true!

Listen to your mother child!" Erik said with a tone of amusement in his voice.

Meg let out a peal of laughter at this comment and was rewarded with a dry smile from him and a very intense stare in her direction which made her blush. His eyes were so expressive, she began to privately wonder what he must be like as a lover.

_**Author's note:**__ Well guys, this is my first attempt at writing anything on Phantom of the Opera and I hope it meets your expectations. Please read and review and if you think it needs improving, I will do my best!_


End file.
